Me, Myself & I

Clear Idea #3 to help you write what you mean.

Continual or Continuous?

Clear idea #2 to help you write what you mean.

Eight rules for business writing.

The Master storyteller, Kurt Vonnegut, reveals ideas you can use in your job. Remember, even if you're writing a turbine inspection report, we are all people writing for other people.

Digest these ideas and apply them to the next document you write!

Eight rules for writing fiction:

1. Use the time of a total stranger in such a way that he or she will not feel the time was wasted.

2. Give the reader at least one character he or she can root for.

3. Every character should want something, even if it is only a glass of water.

4. Every sentence must do one of two things -- reveal character or advance the action.

5. Start as close to the end as possible.

6. Be a sadist. Now matter how sweet and innocent your leading characters, make awful things happen to them -- in order that the reader may see what they are made of.

7. Write to please just one person. If you open a window and make love to the world, so to speak, your story will get pneumonia.

8. Give your readers as much information as possible as soon as possible. To heck with suspense. Readers should have such complete understanding of what is going on, where and why, that they could finish the story themselves, should cockroaches eat the last few pages.

-- Vonnegut, Kurt Vonnegut, Bagombo Snuff Box: Uncollected Short Fiction (New York: G.P. Putnam's Sons 1999), 9-10.

Was? Were?

Clear Idea #1 to help you think clearly & write what you mean!

There's an App for that.

Drive a car with your iPhone.

Southwest Airlines fails to deliver on its promise.

Why is it so many companies spend perfectly good money to craft a sweet Mission Statement full of heart-warming promises, and then blatantly ignore it?

A sad example.
This is from the Southwest Airlines website:

THE MISSION OF SOUTHWEST AIRLINES
The mission of Southwest Airlines is dedication to the highest quality of Customer Service delivered with a sense of warmth, friendliness, individual pride, and Company Spirit.

So, the other day, my best friend sent a simple inquiry to the friendly folks at Southwest Airlines asking if she could change her flight to another on the same day without incurring hefty extra costs. Simple enough question, huh?

You’d think so.

Yet, despite Southwest Airline’s promise of warmth, friendliness, individual pride, my friend received a laughable form letter in response.

Confused, she inquired again. And she received this reply:

Dear ,

We are sorry you feel we did not adequately address your earlier inquiry. We have forwarded your e-mail to our Customer Relations Department so they can provide you with a specific and detailed response. Please note the Service Request number below should you have any questions. You should receive a response within 45 days.

Sincerely,

Margo, Southwest Airlines

Ack!

Let me ask you: does their response deliver on the promise Southwest Airlines made in their mission statement?

WTF? 45 days? Ummmm. No thanks.

Don’t try this at home.

Please Please! Take a few minutes now and read your own company’s Mission Statement. Then, ask yourself two questions:

1. Do I understand my company’s Mission Statement?
2. Can I deliver on the promise it makes?

If your answer is anything other than “yes, by golly!” stomp down the hall to the Marketing Big Wig’s office and demand a rewrite!

Then stomp even harder down the other hall to the President’s office and demand yo explain why you, and your colleagues, and all your customers are being lied to!

If that doesn’t work, throw away your mission statement, and instead live by Kristan Zhivago’s brilliant words:

Your brand is the promise you keep, not the one you make.

Ok, well, this soapbox is getting rickety. And I need to go cancel my Southwest ticket to Seattle, and buy one from Continental instead.

The Fountains of Paradise

Here’s to the marriage of light and inertia, with minimal friction!

Space Elevator

A new way of thinking and doing.

If you’re a speaker, or you want to be, this is for you. Learn more and register here:

Speaker’s Workshop: A New Way of Thinking and Doing

Find your Substitute Man.

I’m just back from presenting a series of workshops in Singapore and Hong Kong. Over bowls of Bak chor mee and chǎo fàn one night, a friend told me about the popular new service popping up throughout Asia affectionately known as Substitute Man. A sort of freelance hybrid of a personal concierge and errand boy.

With the simmering hot economy throughout the region, few busy Asian professionals have time to shop for fresh vegetables, pick up starched shirts, or shuttle the kids to violin lessons. Which is why Substitute Man is a booming business opportunity for those willing to do just about anything for a fee.

This got me thinking. Why not find a Substitute Man for your business tasks too? Sure, there’s already a huge sector of consultants and freelancers out there. In fact, I’ve spent nearly my entire career working independently. My criteria for an ideal client? Anyone with a budget who was willing to give some of that budget to me.

What I’m think about is something more personalized. A right hand man, or woman, who you can turn to for more than just picking up Chicken & Broccoli, or churning out copywriting assignments. I’m talking about someone who can solve problems for you. And someone whose perspective and skills are different from yours. Someone who can get you out of your comfortable rut.

So I started sniffing around. Sure enough, Dan and Chip Heath are already on the scent. As they write in a recent Fast Company article: “…Chances are someone has solved your problem already.”

In The Writing Workshop, we explore how asking questions and being skeptical of the answers we hear are valuable communication skills for anyone in business. It’s a way for you to look beyond the obvious and see your world from other perspectives.

We tend to get stuck in ruts in our lives – doing the same things the same way and expecting different outcomes. This routine shows up in our relationships, work processes, even in our off hours when having fun becomes routine.

I’m not saying there’s something inherently wrong in having preferences. You can continue to like the same whole wheat toast with butter and jam for breakfast every morning. Rather, I’m suggesting you be willing to look at your topics from the other side.

Once you’ve determined exactly how to craft your email, or structure your welcome letter, ask yourself: “What if I didn’t do it that way? How would someone in an entirely different field handle this task?” Find your own Substitute (Wo)Man who will bring you the gift of a new point of view.

For a delightful kick-in-the-seat-of-the-brain, before you begin your next newsletter, dabble with Brian Eno’s Oblique Strategies here and here.

Whack!

This sucks.

I bought a new vacuum cleaner last month. Now, that's usually no big deal, right? Well, yeah. Except my new Electrolux Ergorapido is a small wonder.

Foremost, it's fun to say Ergorapido five times aloud. (Try it! And roll those Rs. You'll be inspired to recite other memorable lines from The Princess Bride.)

Also, this miniature marvel is astoundingly well-designed. I won't give you the full sales pitch here, but if you're looking for a tiny titan to tidy your tiles, this is the one. Read reviews here.

Instead, the reason for this blathering blog is to politely encourage the folks at the Electrolux customer service desk to deliver on their promise.

Here's what they promise on the Electrolux web site:

It’s the service and dedication that sets us apart. At Electrolux, our service is based on the same principle that inspires each product we design: benefit you, the consumer, in every possible way. As an Electrolux ... owner, you will experience the highest level of service available in the industry today...

I agree, their product design is superb. But get a load of this reticent reply from a email I sent them praising the efficient Ergoprapido:

Thank you. Your message will be taken care of as soon as possible.

Blech. Not exactly inspirational. Certainly not the highest level of service available in the industry today. In fact, their tepid reply makes me feel like I spilled crumbs under the table. I can almost hear them sighing with exasperation.

Not that I'm looking for them to send me a bouquet of Twinflowers, but geewhiz, I hope they don't just...um..sweep me under the carpet.

My friendly note to Elextrolux:

Country: USA
Topic: Vacuum cleaners
First name: John
Last name: Sturtevant
Message Title: the Ergorapido is great!

I'm writing to commend you on the Ergorapido. It is beautifully designed down to every detail - the spring pull on the filter is genius! I use it several times a day, it actually makes me smile when I use it! Well done!
Sincerely,
One Happy Electrolux Customer

On Language

"Never assume the obvious is true."

William Safire
1929 - 2009

We'll miss you every Sunday.

Let’s get punctual.

^†

Today, as you may already know, is National Punctuation Day! This could mean [one of] several things for you: You don’t give a “hoot”; you wonder: “¿Why in the world didn’t I bake a special cake for this?”; you fondly recall seventh-grade English class with Mrs. McCoy – who rapped your knuckles with her rubber-tipped wooden pointer when you and Delbert Chase talked during class – and her Friday afternoon grammar quizzes; or you’re…like…what th’…oh, never mind.

Lately, within the past year or so, I’ve found juvenile delight in combining some of my favorite punctuation. Sometimes separate punctuation marks: WTF?!?! Sometimes the same mark repeated for effect: No Way!!!!! And sometimes, several seemingly unrelated marks together to add mystery: And you know what that means ~*^*!

Oh, and grazie mille to Steve Crescenzo for his avid use of multiple exclamation points in his poignant emails to my best friend about the electricity…well, that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Anyway, now that we all waste our limited hours txting and Facebooking* each other ad infinitum, punctuation has experienced a “paradigm shift”.

For example, . used to be a period. Now it’s also a ‘dot’, depending on its use. :-) used to be a random arrangement of a colon, n dash, and right parenthesis. Now, it’s a happy face!

In fact, there are oodles of ways you can use punctuation to improve your life (ie: your social media interaction.)

Here are a few emoticons you can use to “alert a responder to the tenor or temper of a statement”:

Happy :) - Colon followed by a parentheses
Very happy =) - Equals sign followed by a parentheses
Grinning :D - Colon followed by an uppercase d
Cat smiling ^_^ - Shift and press six, underscore, shift and press six
Wink smile ;) - Semicolon followed by a parentheses
Goofy smile 8) - Eight followed by a parentheses
Tongue sticking out :p - Colon followed by a lowercase "p"
Smiling devil 3:) - Three followed by a colon and parentheses
Smiling angel 0:) - Zero followed by a colon and parentheses
Angry >:( - Hold shift and press period, followed by a colon and parentheses
Pouting X( - Uppercase "X " followed by parentheses
Shocked =0 - Equals sign followed by a zero
Skeptical =/ - Equals sign followed by a forward slash
Embarrassed =X - Equals sign followed by an uppercase "X"
Devious smile >:) - Hold shift and press period, followed by a colon and parentheses
Tear :'( - Colon, followed by apostrophe, followed by parentheses
Frustrated X( - Uppercase "X" followed by a parentheses
Love <3>

Here is an example of an emoticon in a sentence: "I've been really sick for about a week. :( The doctor says I have the flu."

If you’re feeling especially punctuous, you can insert a nose into any emoticon by adding a dash between the eyes and mouth:

Happy :-)
Very happy =-)
Grinning :-D
Wink smile ;-)
Goofy smile 8-)
Tongue sticking out :-p
Smiling devil 3:-)
Smiling angel 0:-)
Angry >:-(
Pouting X-(
Shocked =-0
Skeptical =-/
Embarrassed =-X
Devious smile >:-)
Tear :'-(
Frustrated X-(

How to celebrate National Punctuation Day

1. Become familiar with the punctuation rules.

2. Organize punctuation activities at your school, library, or office, or even out on the sidewalk.

3. Share punctuation peeves with NPD founder Jeff Rubin.

4. Send photos of incorrectly punctuated signage to Jeff Rubin.

5. Mention National Punctuation Day to your friends, family, teachers, and colleagues as a way to spread the importance of proper punctuation.

Happy punctuating!!!! :-)

^†Typographical emoticons published in 1881 in the satirical magazine Puck

* Yes, it’s a verb.

Who gives a blog?

My best friend, Christina, has asked us a question: Why do we read blogs, anyway?

Is it a habit? Or is it our insatiable need to feel connected. Maybe we blog and Facebook and Tweet each other to find a social identity that's been lost in the mire of traffic (no more passeggiata after dinner) and air conditioning (no more sitting on the front porch in evening to cool off and visit with neighbors).

One one hand (this one), I've connected with long lost pals. But I wonder, are we simply filling our lives with more chatter?

So Long Baby, So Long

Les Paul
June 9, 1915–August 13, 2009

Your comfortable rut.

I’ll bet you like your desk. Your chair. The framed pictures on your bookcase. Even the dusty Fichus tree in the corner.

Yup, there’s a good chance you like your job. Your funny coworkers. Casual day every Friday.

You’ve grown accustomed to the way you write your emails. Scan the inbox. Click reply all and type “I agree.”

You’re at peace with your proposal process. The smooth way you casually cut n’ paste the boilerplate text into your company’s template. Then put a number on the last page.

Yes, life is good. You efficiently move tasks off your desk throughout the day. Then stretch, yawn, and head home. Along the very same route you take every evening.

Heck, you probably say the very same things to the very same people headed to the very same parking garage each day at 4:49. “See ya Ed. Have a good one!”

Yup. The comfortable rut, can’t live without it.

Problem is, you can’t live with it, either.

Your comfortable rut compels you to stagnate. You know, get all slimy and smelly. Eeeew.

And then, you periodically spew bubbles of effluent and let them drift away in the breeze down your office corridor.

Oh, you don’t call it spew. That’s nasty. No, you give your emission an official name. Status report. Formal Proposal. A.C.E., PHIP, work schedule, meeting agenda, project update….yuck. And you store that discharge in vats called Repositories. Mainly so you don’t have to look at it every day!

Because, in your heart, you know: nobody wants to read that stuff!

Heck, you don’t want to read your own stuff! How many of you read your own writing and feel thrilled?! Let’s see that’s…. 1,2,3….seven of you.

So, how do you leap from your own comfortable rut?

First, look up!

My pal Sam Harrison will show you hundreds of ways to spot ideas and new perspectives simply by looking at the world around you – with a fresh eye.

Then, change your behavior!

My friend Thiagi will lift you out of your rut by helping you see how games are serious business, and how your world is ripe with opportunities for collaboration.

Make a commitment today. Rise up from your own comfortable rut.

Hell yeah, it’s scary.

Can't do it alone? Then look for inspiration from those apart from your field.

Are you an engineer? Cool. You’ll find new ideas about systems at the ballet. You’re a finance whiz? Great! Buy a the biggest Lego set you can find and seek balance. What? You’re a MarComm pro? Sit in the dark and look over the shoulder of a C++ programmer.

Outside your comfort zone? Perfect. You’re one leg up, buddy.

"When we follow our own decisions, we are motivated and satisfied."
- Brian Remer

“Every noble task is at first impossible.”
- Thomas Carlyle

About that roughed up nose.

Beard-second

The beard-second is a unit of length inspired by the light year, but used for extremely short distances typical in nuclear physics.

The beard-second is defined as the length an average physicist's beard grows in a second. The Physics Handbook defines that as 5 nanometers. Google Calculator supports the beard-second for unit conversions using The Physics Handbook conversion factor.

For your convenience, a few handy conversions:

1mm = 2.31 beard-days
1cm = 3.3 beard-weeks
1m = 6.35 beard-years
1km = 6.35 beard-milleniums

Disclaimer #3: after 2.31 beard-days, side effects could result in scabbing.

333 words that have remained unchanged for 2000 years.

Our language changes daily. But in the whirlwind, it's comforting to know some things stay the same.

abacus
abdomen
aborigines
actor
acumen
addendum
administrator
agenda
aggressor
agitator
album
alias
alibi
altar
alumnus
amen
animal
animus
annotator
ante
antenna
anterior
apex
apostrophe
apparatus
appendix
aquarium
ardor
area
arena
aroma
asparagus
assessor
asylum
audio
auditorium
aura
axis
basis
benefactor
biceps
bonus
cactus
cadaver
calculator
camera
campus
candor
caper
captor
caret
caveat
censor
census
chaos
character
cinnamon
circus
citrus
clamor
climax
coitus
collector
colon
color
colossus
coma
comma
commentator
compendium
competitor
compressor
conductor
confine
consensus
consortium
consul
continuum
contractor
cornucopia
corpus
cranium
crater
creator
creditor
credo
crisis
crux
curator
datum
December
decorum
deficit
delirium
demonstrator
dictator
dictum
dilemma
diploma
discus
distributor
doctor
dogma
drama
duo
duplex
duplicator
echo
editor
educator
ego
elevator
emphasis
emporium
enema
enigma
error
exit
exterior
exterminator
extra
facile
factor
favor
fervor
fetus
fiat
focus
formula
forum
fungus
furor
gemini
genesis
genius
geranium
gladiator
gusto
gymnasium
habitat
helix
hiatus
honor
horizon
horror
humor
hyena
hyphen
icon
idea
ignoramus
illustrator
imitator
impostor
impromptu
incubator
index
indicator
inertia
inferior
inquisitor
insomnia
inspector
instigator
instructor
interest
interim
interior
interrogator
investigator
iris
item
janitor
junior
labor
languor
legislator
lens
liberator
liquor
major
mania
martyr
matrix
mausoleum
maximum
mediator
medium
mentor
minimum
minister
minor
minus
miser
moderator
momentum
monitor
moratorium
motor
murmur
museum
narrator
nausea
navigator
nectar
neuter
nucleus
oasis
objector
ode
odor
omen
onus
opera
operator
opus
orator
osmosis
pallor
panacea
par
paralysis
pastor
pathos
patina
pauper
pelvis
peninsula
perpetrator
persecutor
persona
petroleum
phoenix
phosphorus
plasma
platinum
plus
podium
pollen
possessor
posterior
prior
pro
professor
progenitor
propaganda
prosecutor
prospectus
protector
quantum
quota
rabies
radius
rancor
ratio
receptor
recipe
rector
referendum
regalia
regimen
renovator
rhododendron
rigor
rostrum
rumor
saliva
sanatorium
scintilla
sculptor
sector
senator
senior
series
serum
simile
sinister
sinus
siren
solarium
species
specimen
spectator
spectrum
sphinx
splendor
sponsor
squalor
stadium
status
stigma
stimulus
stratum
stupor
successor
sulphur
superior
tandem
tenor
terminus
terror
thesis
thorax
torpor
transgressor
translator
tremor
tribunal
trio
trivia
tuba
tumor
tutor
ulterior
vacuum
valor
vapor
verbatim
vector
vertigo
vesper
veto
vice versa
victor
video
vigil
vigor
villa
vim
virus
visa
viscera
vortex

:-)

Close your eyes.

Our language is elusive. Letters, words, numbers. They’re graphic images that represent the invisible: Ideas. And we put them in relatively random order and hope our readers make sense of it.

Yet, we rely on these symbols to help us make critical decisions.

Here’s an idea for you: your reader determines the meaning behind your words. And that meaning will likely be different from the one you intended.

As you’re reading this, you’re interpreting my words and giving them meaning. Your meaning. You’re comparing what I’m saying to things you already know, or assume to be true in your life.

Then you’re assigning value to that meaning. Is what I’m saying useful to you, or not? You decide that. Not me.

And your readers do the exact same thing when they read what you write. When they sit at their desk and listen to you on the phone. When they lean against the wall in the hallway listening to you talk.

And as they read and listen, they’re distracted by dozens of other things in their lives.

What’s for lunch. How long will you keep talking. I need to send that email to Joyce. This guy didn’t trim his ear hair, I wonder why. What am I supposed to do with what he’s telling me. My shoes hurt.

So here’s what I’d like you to practice this week. The next time you’re ready to fire off an email, close your eyes. Give yourself thirty seconds to think.

Imagine your reader. What will she be doing when she gets your email? What other distractions does she have in her day that are more important than you? How will she interpret your words and numbers – your graphic symbols? What specific idea do you want to plant in her mind? What decision do you want her to make? What knowledge do you want her to have that she doesn’t have now? Is an email the best way to communicate?

Use your words to give your reader context, relevance, and meaning. Not just data.

Ok. Now keep your eyes closed, and start typing.

Warren Buffet does it, so can you.

Warren Buffet is one of my heroes.

He's a remarkably successful businessman. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, has posted spectacular growth since he took over in 1964. Wish I'd invested a hundred bucks with him back then.

Over the last 44 years, book value has grown from $19 to $70,530, a rate of 20.3% compounded annually.

But what earns my respect even more, is Mr. Buffet's ability to write clearly and persuasively. He writes what he means.

Here's a sentence from a mutual fund prospectus - not his:

Maturity and duration management decisions are made in the context of an intermediate maturity orientation. The maturity structure of the portfolio is adjusted in anticipation of the cyclical interest rate changes.

Here's Warren Buffet's revision:

We will try to profit by correctly predicting future interest rates.

Man, that's a pure sentence. It's not simplistic. Buffet's not trying to dumb it down for us. Rather, he conveys clarity and honesty in an industry known for murky ethics.

"We will try to profit," Buffet writes. That little three-letter word try represents millions of dollars in trust. People know he won't always profit. And he knows they know that. So he writes what he means. He can't promise he will always succeed. But he can promise he will try.

In his 2008 Shareholder letter, Mr. Buffet describes the successes Berkshire Hathaway achieved in the recent unstable economy. Then he writes:

That’s the good news. But there’s another less pleasant reality: During 2008 I did some dumb things in investments. I made at least one major mistake of commission and several lesser ones that also hurt. I will tell you more about these later. Furthermore, I made some errors of omission, sucking my thumb when new facts came in that should have caused me to re-examine my thinking and promptly take action.

Who wouldn't trust this guy? He skips the bull and tells it like it is.

So if you're eager to start writing what you mean, here's my advice to you: Invest an hour this weekend in your own portfolio. Read Warren Buffet's Shareholder Letters.

And put that inspiration to work in the next letter you write.

The Spirit of 76

Happy Birthday, Willie!