About that roughed up nose.

Beard-second

The beard-second is a unit of length inspired by the light year, but used for extremely short distances typical in nuclear physics.

The beard-second is defined as the length an average physicist's beard grows in a second. The Physics Handbook defines that as 5 nanometers. Google Calculator supports the beard-second for unit conversions using The Physics Handbook conversion factor.

For your convenience, a few handy conversions:

1mm = 2.31 beard-days
1cm = 3.3 beard-weeks
1m = 6.35 beard-years
1km = 6.35 beard-milleniums

Disclaimer #3: after 2.31 beard-days, side effects could result in scabbing.

333 words that have remained unchanged for 2000 years.

Our language changes daily. But in the whirlwind, it's comforting to know some things stay the same.

abacus
abdomen
aborigines
actor
acumen
addendum
administrator
agenda
aggressor
agitator
album
alias
alibi
altar
alumnus
amen
animal
animus
annotator
ante
antenna
anterior
apex
apostrophe
apparatus
appendix
aquarium
ardor
area
arena
aroma
asparagus
assessor
asylum
audio
auditorium
aura
axis
basis
benefactor
biceps
bonus
cactus
cadaver
calculator
camera
campus
candor
caper
captor
caret
caveat
censor
census
chaos
character
cinnamon
circus
citrus
clamor
climax
coitus
collector
colon
color
colossus
coma
comma
commentator
compendium
competitor
compressor
conductor
confine
consensus
consortium
consul
continuum
contractor
cornucopia
corpus
cranium
crater
creator
creditor
credo
crisis
crux
curator
datum
December
decorum
deficit
delirium
demonstrator
dictator
dictum
dilemma
diploma
discus
distributor
doctor
dogma
drama
duo
duplex
duplicator
echo
editor
educator
ego
elevator
emphasis
emporium
enema
enigma
error
exit
exterior
exterminator
extra
facile
factor
favor
fervor
fetus
fiat
focus
formula
forum
fungus
furor
gemini
genesis
genius
geranium
gladiator
gusto
gymnasium
habitat
helix
hiatus
honor
horizon
horror
humor
hyena
hyphen
icon
idea
ignoramus
illustrator
imitator
impostor
impromptu
incubator
index
indicator
inertia
inferior
inquisitor
insomnia
inspector
instigator
instructor
interest
interim
interior
interrogator
investigator
iris
item
janitor
junior
labor
languor
legislator
lens
liberator
liquor
major
mania
martyr
matrix
mausoleum
maximum
mediator
medium
mentor
minimum
minister
minor
minus
miser
moderator
momentum
monitor
moratorium
motor
murmur
museum
narrator
nausea
navigator
nectar
neuter
nucleus
oasis
objector
ode
odor
omen
onus
opera
operator
opus
orator
osmosis
pallor
panacea
par
paralysis
pastor
pathos
patina
pauper
pelvis
peninsula
perpetrator
persecutor
persona
petroleum
phoenix
phosphorus
plasma
platinum
plus
podium
pollen
possessor
posterior
prior
pro
professor
progenitor
propaganda
prosecutor
prospectus
protector
quantum
quota
rabies
radius
rancor
ratio
receptor
recipe
rector
referendum
regalia
regimen
renovator
rhododendron
rigor
rostrum
rumor
saliva
sanatorium
scintilla
sculptor
sector
senator
senior
series
serum
simile
sinister
sinus
siren
solarium
species
specimen
spectator
spectrum
sphinx
splendor
sponsor
squalor
stadium
status
stigma
stimulus
stratum
stupor
successor
sulphur
superior
tandem
tenor
terminus
terror
thesis
thorax
torpor
transgressor
translator
tremor
tribunal
trio
trivia
tuba
tumor
tutor
ulterior
vacuum
valor
vapor
verbatim
vector
vertigo
vesper
veto
vice versa
victor
video
vigil
vigor
villa
vim
virus
visa
viscera
vortex

:-)

Close your eyes.

Our language is elusive. Letters, words, numbers. They’re graphic images that represent the invisible: Ideas. And we put them in relatively random order and hope our readers make sense of it.

Yet, we rely on these symbols to help us make critical decisions.

Here’s an idea for you: your reader determines the meaning behind your words. And that meaning will likely be different from the one you intended.

As you’re reading this, you’re interpreting my words and giving them meaning. Your meaning. You’re comparing what I’m saying to things you already know, or assume to be true in your life.

Then you’re assigning value to that meaning. Is what I’m saying useful to you, or not? You decide that. Not me.

And your readers do the exact same thing when they read what you write. When they sit at their desk and listen to you on the phone. When they lean against the wall in the hallway listening to you talk.

And as they read and listen, they’re distracted by dozens of other things in their lives.

What’s for lunch. How long will you keep talking. I need to send that email to Joyce. This guy didn’t trim his ear hair, I wonder why. What am I supposed to do with what he’s telling me. My shoes hurt.

So here’s what I’d like you to practice this week. The next time you’re ready to fire off an email, close your eyes. Give yourself thirty seconds to think.

Imagine your reader. What will she be doing when she gets your email? What other distractions does she have in her day that are more important than you? How will she interpret your words and numbers – your graphic symbols? What specific idea do you want to plant in her mind? What decision do you want her to make? What knowledge do you want her to have that she doesn’t have now? Is an email the best way to communicate?

Use your words to give your reader context, relevance, and meaning. Not just data.

Ok. Now keep your eyes closed, and start typing.

Warren Buffet does it, so can you.

Warren Buffet is one of my heroes.

He's a remarkably successful businessman. His company, Berkshire Hathaway, has posted spectacular growth since he took over in 1964. Wish I'd invested a hundred bucks with him back then.

Over the last 44 years, book value has grown from $19 to $70,530, a rate of 20.3% compounded annually.

But what earns my respect even more, is Mr. Buffet's ability to write clearly and persuasively. He writes what he means.

Here's a sentence from a mutual fund prospectus - not his:

Maturity and duration management decisions are made in the context of an intermediate maturity orientation. The maturity structure of the portfolio is adjusted in anticipation of the cyclical interest rate changes.

Here's Warren Buffet's revision:

We will try to profit by correctly predicting future interest rates.

Man, that's a pure sentence. It's not simplistic. Buffet's not trying to dumb it down for us. Rather, he conveys clarity and honesty in an industry known for murky ethics.

"We will try to profit," Buffet writes. That little three-letter word try represents millions of dollars in trust. People know he won't always profit. And he knows they know that. So he writes what he means. He can't promise he will always succeed. But he can promise he will try.

In his 2008 Shareholder letter, Mr. Buffet describes the successes Berkshire Hathaway achieved in the recent unstable economy. Then he writes:

That’s the good news. But there’s another less pleasant reality: During 2008 I did some dumb things in investments. I made at least one major mistake of commission and several lesser ones that also hurt. I will tell you more about these later. Furthermore, I made some errors of omission, sucking my thumb when new facts came in that should have caused me to re-examine my thinking and promptly take action.

Who wouldn't trust this guy? He skips the bull and tells it like it is.

So if you're eager to start writing what you mean, here's my advice to you: Invest an hour this weekend in your own portfolio. Read Warren Buffet's Shareholder Letters.

And put that inspiration to work in the next letter you write.

The Spirit of 76

Happy Birthday, Willie!

A San Francisco Treat

Just a few weeks away! The IABC World Conference June 7-10 in San Francisco.

You can not miss these four days of mind-expanding opportunities with 1,600 communication practitioners from 40 countries.

Choose your sessions by topic:

Change Management
Communication Leadership
Employee Communication
Global Trends
Marketing & Brand
Public Relations
Strategy & Counsel

Or, choose your sessions by day:

Sunday, 7 June
Monday, June 8
Tuesday, 9 June
Wednesday, 10 June

You'll have the opportunity to hear from dozens of world-class speakers. Here are a few:

All together now: How collaboration can change your world
Blair Christie is senior vice president of corporate communications for Cisco.

Sustainable leadership
Robert Swan, OBE, is a polar explorer, environmental leader and special envoy to the director of UNESCO.

Finding your passion changes everything
Sir Ken Robinson, a sharp mind and engaging story-teller. He speaks brilliantly about creativity, innovation, education and human resources.

I'll be presenting a 75-minute session on Sunday afternoon called The Five Big Ideas. Stop by and see me!

It's going to be a fantastic four days. Register here

See you in San Francisco!

Bare.

It's a new era. We finally have an articulate, elegant, intelligent president representing us. The corruption and blatant disrespect for humanity we've suffered is diminishing. We are beginning to understand the value of being real.

So I invite you to bare your soul. Show us a part of your real self. That part of you you might not reveal to just anyone. When you're in the zone. When you're yourself.

No apologizing. No editing. We want to see the real you.

Who are you?

Take a break. It's good for your mind.

The Audacity of Hope II

John Sturtevant awarded $2.5 million grant to improve our nation’s poor writing.

April 1, 2009 – Washington DC -- The National Recovery and Reinvestment Bill contains many spending provisions related to education. Among them, it reportedly provides $2.5 million in Title III funds to help improve the clarity of communication in federal and state agencies, as well as the private sector. Confirmed additional funds have been allocated for educational technology, child care, and Head Start.

At a recent news conference, Aldo Arlecchino, Distribution Manager for the Federal Allocations Committee, which handles fund distribution commented on the $2.5 grant, which may be awarded to Sturtevant as early as this week.

“There are basically three things we need to do right now to get our country back on a responsible track" said Mr. Arlecchino. "First, we need to prevent the economy from collapsing. Second, we need to protect jobs and ease people’s fiscal pains. And third, we need to boost communication skills among the tens of thousands of government and private-sector employees who are still working to keep the economy going strong.”

“We assessed literally hundreds of options over the past eight months,” said Mr. Arlecchino. “Our choice to spearhead this critical task is one of our country’s leading experts in clear thinking and persuasive writing, John Sturtevant. I am confident Mr. Sturtevant is eager to help guide us toward the goal we all have in our hearts and in our thoughts. This new era in our nation’s history must be marked by clear, articulate communication from those who are leading us in this recovery.”

“I would be honored and proud to accept this challenge,” said Sturtevant. “A grant of this scale could allow me to reach out to thousands of business leaders around the globe. We at The Writing Workshop are very excited by this opportunity to give business people the confidence and skills they need to think clearly and write what they mean.”

“I also recognize this may be only a first step in an ongoing recovery effort,” added Sturtevant. “Our goal is to raise awareness and instill a sense of responsibility and commitment among our business leaders, managers, and employees in English-speaking parts of the world.”

Raising the standard of corporate communication, executive compensation, and excessive bonuses are first steps in establishing the accountability that has been missing from the corporate sector.

“This is a long-awaited move in the right direction,” said Mr. Arlecchino. “In addition to positive steps like our agreement with Mr. Sturtevant, we have designed other measures aimed at improving the way our business people communicate.”

Mr. Arlecchino emphasized that the package will feature long-term measures for accelerating development of new technologies to improve efficiency and for turning our country’s vibrant business writing training industry into money-making businesses globally.

Today’s announcement comes amid growing realization that fighting the war on legalese, bureaucratic mumbo-jumbo, and vague, cluttered, confusing, overly-technical business writing style will take more than the economic packages the government has crafted since August, even with this $2.5 million grant.

The NRRB includes several provisions related to executive communication skills. It requires all recipients of TARP funds to meet clear writing and presentation standards as established by the Communications Secretary. Additionally, the legislation mandates a nonbinding shareholder vote on executive compensation for institutions that have received TARP funds. The bill also includes limits on compensation and bonuses, recovery of bonuses, and prohibition of golden parachutes.

Let The Sun Shine.

Hats Off To Our Founding Mother

Happy National Grammar Day Martha!

Celebrate here.

Domino’s got sauce.

Mamma mia! Domino’s Pizza delivers an awesome online ordering experience.

Tonight my son Andrew and his friend Noah asked for pizza. Domino’s pizza. Now, we've been Star Pizza regulars for 30 years. They're the best in town. But tonight, what the heck, I'm feeling lazy. I want to play my guitar, and Domino's delivers. So I Googled Domino's, picked my location, and started my order. All within about 45 seconds.

And man, do they ever deliver! Domino’s online ordering has me drooling. Not only is it easy. It's fun!

As I start my order, they show me a picture of my pizza, crust only. Then, as I add cheese and sauce and pepperoni, my pizza takes shape right before my eyes. I mean, it's as if I'm watching Mario toss and pour and slice.

Except this time, it's Jose. How do I know? Domino's tells me so.
And they let me monitor his progress from order to oven to delivery. So I can watch as it's tossed, topped, baked, and boxed. All with a warm glowing pizza meter.

Not only that, Domino's gives me the current time, the store address and phone number, my order number, my order details, and delivery time. PLUS, they ask me how they're doing with a friendly rating system that makes it easy for me to gripe or praise.

And they ask me if I'd like salad or garlic bread. Yeah right, like my ten-year-old eats salad. (Note to Domino’s - next time, ask me the eater's age. You could've sold me a chocolate brownie.)

I gotta say, I'm impressed. And, more importantly, I'll be back the next time the kids say "pizza please!"

Heads up online retailers: Want to take a giant step in customer loyalty? Order a pizza from Domino’s tonight.

You'll take home some extra savory sauce you can use to spice up your own online ordering process.

Buon appetito!

Nuts.

When I drive my son to his school in the morning
we usually take the low road.
Today he suggests we take the high road,
so we do.
More traffic
but no lights.
We zip in and out,
windows open,
eating pistachios.
We play a game.
He hands me a pistachio
and asks me to open it.
I scrunch up my face,
make groaning sounds,
my arms shake as I struggle
with all my might
to pry apart the shell.
And I do,
but I pretend I can't.
I hand it back to him
and say
it's too tough for me, you'd better try it.
He takes the shell carefully
from my hand
so he won't disturb the loose halves
and he scrunches up his face
and he makes strong boy sounds
and he gently lets the halves fall apart
in his hand.
And he says
Papi I did it!
And we both laugh.
Then he hands me
another pistachio
and says can you open this for me?

My day is fulfilled.

Peep Yo

Our language is like a river. And, as the Greek philosopher, Heraclitus said “You can not step into the same river twice; for other waters are ever flowing on to you.”

And man, does English flow. Structure, style, words – the mechanics of our language change continually. Words slip out of usage.

New words drop into our language.

Words change their meaning. Even within one sentence.

If I say to you “I was so tired last night, it seemed like just as I turned the lights off, the alarm went off."

You’d know I was in the dark listening to an incessant beeping. Off means on. And off means off. In the very same sentence!

Then there’s one of my favorite words - funky. Beginning in the early 17th century, funky meant having a bad smell. At the end of the 1930s its meaning did a 180. Funky was said of things that were satisfying, impressive, or generally approved of.

By the 1950s funky meant unpretentious, down to earth, laid back, rooted in the blues. Then, in the ‘70s funky was the ultimate dance groove.

Today, funky can mean shoddy and mismatched, or more likely, foul-smelling. The word came full circle in four hundred years.

Have you read Beowulf lately? Written by an unknown author sometime between the 8th and 11th centuries. It is an early form of English, but hardly recognizable today.

Modern English began to take shape in the late 1500s. But for a couple of hundred years there was no consistent spelling or pronunciation. In fact, standardized spelling didn’t appear in Europe until Samuel Johnson published his dictionary in 1755. In America, we waited another seventy-three years before Noah Webster gave us standard spelling with his dictionary in 1828.

Think of it! We’ve languished in consistent spelling for a mere 180 years! And even now, there are some 120 Modern English dialects around the world, which include widely varying sound forms and word meanings.

Add to that accents, colloquialism, jargon, and idioms. It’s no wonder you have a rough time digesting your Glaswegian bloke’s ra patter. And he shrugs his shoulders at y'all's Texas drawl.

New! First time in English - The gender-neutral pronoun.

Speaking of new words, kudos to the kids in Baltimore who invented a new meaning for the expression “Yo”.

Thanks to them, we no longer have to suffer the embarrassment of saying “he or she”, “him or her”, or “they” when we mean an individual rather than a group.

So think about this elusive changing nature of our language as you prepare those PowerPoint slides for your next quarterly budget report.

You might have a Vice President or two in your audience who are thinking:

Yo, peep, yo o, noo thit yez ‘uv been telt aboot the wye thit Glesca punters yaze ra patter don’t yooz bloks try in’ make iz look luk eejits thit cannae talk right oan yer fancy high falutin’ American.

Or so they say.

Hobnob with hoi polloi. Mingle with minions.

(you'll be in good company)

IABC Business Writing Conferences

26–27 March
Hyatt at Olive 8
Seattle, Washington, USA

7–8 May
The Allerton Hotel
Chicago, Illinois, USA

Register today!

Depends

People read what you write through their filter called “Compared to what?” How does what you just wrote fit with other things they know in their lives.

As we read things throughout our day, we assign meaning to the words. Then we give value to that meaning. And we make a judgment about that value – to make a decision one way or another. All within milliseconds. And all based on what we already perceive to be true.

Albert Einstein was curious about this idea:

Are things in life consistent and predictable?
Or do we determine the state of things depending on our perspective?

All of us make tens of thousands of decisions every day based on our perception of meaning and how that meaning fits with what we already know or perceive in our lives.

For example, think of that time you were sitting at a red light. Suddenly, you stomped on the brake pedal. You knew something was moving, but for a split second, you weren’t sure if it was your Prius or the other guy’s Honda.

That, in one sense, is relativity. You are only able to determine motion – the Honda, by first determining non-motion – your Prius.

Time and space are relative.
Suppose you're standing in a subway car. You stand at one end of the car, and idly bounce a tennis ball to your friend who stands at the other end about nine feet away. He catches the tennis ball, and bounces it back to you.

Let's say you throw the ball at 45 feet per second or about 30 mph. So the ball takes 0.2 seconds to reach your friend.

Then he throws it and it takes 0.2 seconds to bounce back to you. The tennis ball’s round trip takes 0.4 seconds.

Now, the subway starts moving. Suppose it gets up 60 feet per second or 40 mph. You and your friend continue to play catch, and the tennis ball continues to travel 18 feet round trip, taking about 0.4 seconds to go back and forth.

Now, imagine I am standing by the side of the track watching you pass by. I see you through the subway car window, tossing the ball back and forth. I would agree that it took 0.4 seconds from the time you threw the ball to the time you caught it again.

But, I wouldn’t agree the ball traveled only 18 feet round trip. To me, in the 0.4 seconds it took the ball to travel from one side of the subway to the other and back again, the train traveled close to 30 feet.

From my perspective, the ball traveled about 30 feet in the same 0.4 seconds – that’s about 75 feet per second or 50 mph.

So for me, the tennis ball is moving faster than it is for you.

Who is right?

We both are.

Think about this idea the next time you end your email with the lackluster cliché: “I look forward to hearing from you ASAP.”

It’s very likely your reader’s “S” is a lot farther away than yours!

Getting good mileage.

A new client, Cara, sent this to me today:

I am not a good writer. I am good at generating ideas, giving direction, and structuring outlines...(but) I am not good at grammar, and I am the worst speller on this side of the Mississippi.

I replied:

Well then you’ve got the hard parts down. Grammar and spelling do not make you a good writer any more than using 10W-40 makes you a good driver – on either side of the Mississippi.

Cara's concern is a real one. Her grammar and spelling are an important part of the way she communicates with her clients and manages her employees. Just like using good-quality motor oil in her BMW will help her engine last longer.

But she also misses the point about clear writing. If Cara had impeccable grammar, flawless spelling, and murky writing that obscured vague ideas, she'd be a weak, ineffective manager.

But she's not. She's smart, tactful, insightful, and her staff respects her thinking.

My advice to Cara: focus on communicating your ideas clearly by using words with intention. Then, clean up your writing by reading it out loud and hiring a proofreader. Oh, and keep a copy of Grammar Snobs are Great Big Meanies at your desk.

Plus, hey. She got Mississippi right. How bad a speller can she be?

How to start writing.

This little tool is contrary to my teaching that writing is not a process of filling up space.

But, it's so delightfully simple and clever, I had to share it with you.

Try it! 1ne 2wo 5ver

Breakfast of Champions.

I pulled in to the Stop n’ Go this morning about 8:15 to buy some gum. There were four or five pick ups and vans parked out front. Inside, working guys were lined up at the register. Plumbers, roofers, electricians, carpenters. They all had tall-boys in their hands.

Catching a buzz before they fire up their nail guns and floor buffers. I chuckled. And for a moment, I felt a tinge of envy.

Perspective.

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are."
— Anaïs Nin

Remember that idea the next time you sit down to fire off an email to your colleague.